When I heard that the Hostess cake company was going out of
business, I simply couldn’t believe it was true. As a child of the 1970s, I had grown up
consuming all manner of Hostess products:
Ding Dongs, Sno Balls, Ho Hos, Donettes, and Suzy Q’s—to name but a
few. I must confess that in my youth I
also ate more than my fair share of that fuffy white bread in which anything
wholesome or healthy had been stripped away in our incessant American quest to
turn a nutritious food item into something that even starving rats would
refrain from eating if they had any other options.
And then there’s the Twinkie—a product so unnatural that it
has been claimed that it can last on the shelf for years. Already I image that hoarders are buying up
as many of these tasty treats as they can find in an attempt to forestall that
inevitable moment when the Twinkie will be no more.
What a shame that will be, too. When there are no more Twinkies, where are we
Americans going to find any product that so artfully combines everything that
is bad for you in one conveniently wrapped product? Where are we going to acquire our daily doses
of partially hydrogenated oils, artificial flavors, and high fructose corn
syrup? How can we possibly find another treat so completely empty of fiber,
vitamins, minerals, and protein (all the things that keep us frail human beings
alive)? And at such a reasonable price, too!
The Twinkie, like other Hostess products, belongs to that
strange period from the 1940s-1970s when Americans became so caught up with the
magic of processed foods that they lost sight that food should be nutritious as
well as tasty. Generations were raised
to think that all real food must come wrapped in plastic with a corporate logo
stamped on it.
If you weren’t part of that mass-production generation, you
can’t possibly know how lucky you are to be living now. Over the past decade, many Americans have
turned their backs—and closed their wallets—to the kinds of garbage that
companies like Hostess have been trying to pass off as food. We’ve seen the amazing growth of the organic,
local, and whole foods moments in the United States and have also witnessed the
success of food chains like Trader Joes, Whole Foods and Fairways, which
specialize in providing food that our great-grandparents would recognize as
such.
There might be some among us who mourn the passing of a
company like Hostess. But I am perfectly
content to see this company and everything it has represented disappear. Before it does, however, I’m determined to
partake of one last Twinkie for old time’s sake. The Twinkie, after all, is like that annoying
friend who constantly got you into trouble when you were young, but was always
a blast to hang around with. Then your
friend was sent off to the boy’s reformatory and you never saw him again. You were certainly much better off without
him, but you continue to wonder what sort of character defects you must have
possessed to find him so appealing in the first place.
Farewell, Twinkie.
The world will be a much better place without you around. But we did have some fine times together back
in the old days, didn’t we!
Rest in peace.